Nemitz And Taylor: The Legion Of Doom.

Have you ever been punched by a girl? Suddenly and without warning? Directly in the face? What about two girls? One after the other....The first girl beating you until you can only pray for it all to end. When your prayers are not answered has another girl of equally destructive prowess struck you in the trachea and left you lying on the ground....a beaten and humiliated mess? If so, it is safe to assume your name is:

Purdue

Wisconsin
Arizona
Michigan State

Minnesota
Ohio State

James Fenklebrend from my 5th grade class (people dont forget dude.)

Wright State
Notre Dame

Illinois
Northwestern

Pittsburgh
Iowa

long Island
Maryland
FAU
Brigham Young
Louisville
UCLoverAted
Penn State

St. Louis
East Carolina
Indiana
UC Riverside
Florida State......need I continue?

A softball team with one great pitcher is all fine and dandy, but two....well....thats just unfair.
Unless of course those two fine pitchers play for the University of Michigan, which it just so happens they do. Their names are Nikki Nemitz and Jordan Taylor , and to say they are dominant is a surefire way to be branded captain obvious.

Lets start with Nemitz,

Won Twenty games in both her freshman and sophmore seasons, All American, Two time All big ten first team as a utility player and a pitcher, Tons of movement from the left side, can put the ball wherever she deems most inconveniant and in addition to all this, she can hit!

Then there is Taylor,

Won 31 games, All American, Big Ten Freshman of the year, Boasted the best pitching statistics for a U-M rookie in program history, Tricky Release, Nasty Changeup, Right Handed (coupled with Nemitz southpaw can prove difficult for teams seeing both in one game.) and has great velocity.

The resumes speak for themselves.

This season should be no different as both pitchers have only gotten better. So I encourage all upcoming teams to take a number.....Your beatdown should be along shortly.

ClickThe Yellow Words. Please and Thank You. (Update)

Just to give you all the heads up. All the words in yellow are clickable links to great and wondrous amazingness. Each of these links makes each and every article a little more awesome. So click them and get smart.

Ed's Note - I failed to watch the entire spelling bee link that was previously posted (clickable off the word "Smart") and It was brought to my attention that it was not entirely appropriate. I apologize for that and assure I will pay better attention to such things from now until the end of time. Good day to you.

We Gon Party Like its Ya Berfday!

Like most Americans,We here at HFABT love any and all excuses to party. This includes but is certainly not limited to boxing day, flag day or my favorite...thank a mailman day. (It is my understanding that a six pack of PBR can certainly aid any nice mailman in the misplacing of unwanted report cards.) Well today happens to be one of the most amazing party days we have witnessed in quite sometime. Not only is it National Tortilla Chip Day (Seriously.) but it also happens to be the birthday of not one.....but TWO michigan softball players: Senior Megan Gregory and Junior Dorian Shaw. Im not sure how all of you will choose to celebrate this glorious and monumental occasion, but you can be sure MY day will likely involve Journey being played at extremely high volumes in or around a dairy queen parking lot.
Happy birthday ladies!

The Turtleneck Lady Speaks: WORLD SERIES TEAM!!!! (Update)

Recently I had the pleasure of speaking with one of the most iconic and enigmatic staples of the michigan softball program, the turtleneck lady. She has been attending michigan softball games since the very conception of the team and who better to weigh in on the teams chances this season.

HFABT: Thank you for sitting down with us today!
TNL: You are very welcome, did you know I once baked seven cakes in seven hours?

HFABT: I was unaware of that.
TNL: Yes it was for this great big potluck up in flint. Do you bake?

HFABT: I do not bake, I buy.
TNL: That really is a shame, baking is living....I always say.

HFABT: Okay. Are you excited for the upcoming season?
TNL: I have several great books that you could read. They are chalk full of all kinds of unique pastry recipes and such. I think you might really enjoy them.

HFABT: Well I can certainly give those a glance. So I ask again, are you excited for another season of michigan softball?
TNL: I Make the best cookies. You know what, Im going to tell you how.

HFABT: Really you dont have to....
TNL:

* 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
* 2 teaspoons baking soda
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup margarine
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 1 cup white sugar
* 2 eggs
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
* 1 cup vegetable oil
* 1 tablespoon milk
* 1 cup rolled oats
* 1 cup crushed sugar-frosted corn flake cereal
* 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets. Stir together the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside.
2. In a large bowl, cream together the margarine, brown sugar and white sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then stir in the vanilla, vegetable oil and milk. Blend in the flour mixture before stirring in the oats, frosted corn flakes and chocolate chips. Drop by heaping spoonfuls onto the prepared cookie sheets.
3. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

HFABT: Thank you for that. Well I guess that about wraps it up. Its been great talking with you. I dont suppose you have anything to say about softball whatsoever.
TNL: Softball? oh, certainly.....WORLD SERIES TEAM!!!!!!



Coming Soon:
Date A Player...No really.
Jazz Hands: An in depth look at the bus dancing craze.
Meet Teddi Ewing.
The Team visits florida.
and much more........

Solo Shots are Tacky: The Legend Of Marley Powers.

I have spent a great deal of my life watching various sporting events and I liked to think I may have seen a thing or two, then I met Marley Powers.

To begin the story of Marley Powers, you have to go back hundreds of years to the Shiawassee region of Michigan. Modern home of the small town of Owosso. Chief Wasso ( A great leader of the Ojibwa indian tribe and the towns namesake.) had been troubled with many sleepless nights. The chief would lay awake as the great spirits of the region appeared to him speaking of a warrior that would rise from the lands he loved so dearly. A warrior so great that the world would fear them out of misunderstanding and awe. The chief spent the remainder of his days seeking this mighty warrior, and although many hopefuls came and went, none possessed the devastating power that the prophecy spoke of. As the chief reached the end of his final days in this world, and prepared to make the journey to the land of the spirits, he spoke his final words to his people. "when the world is ready, our great warrior will emerge....Until then be well my people, and prosper."

In the harvest month of the year 1989, a child was born. The town of Owosso was aflame with great celebration and as was custom, the child was presented to the towns medicine man (yes they had medicine men in 1989.) He took one look at the child and fell dead from shock. The wait was over. With the arrival of Marley Powers the prophecy was now fullfilled.

Her parents did everything they could to help young Marley lead a relatively normal life, but true greatness cannot be contained by any normal means. It quickly became difficult to keep Marley's awesome power a secret. At the age of 5 she stopped a speeding train with her pinky. When Marley was 11 Owosso was attacked by forty wild bears, she killed them all with her bare hands, wiped the bear entrails from her palms, donned a beautiful dress, attended the school prom and proceeded to be crowned queen.....as a fifth grader. With all the things she had done for the town and its people (there were far too many to chronicle here) she still felt alone in her greatness. With her great power had come a sense of alienation from the outside world, and many of the towns people who liked bears or respected the sanctity of prom court voting, considered Marley to be a nuisance. She needed a true outlet for her special abilities, one that would bring her pride and fullfillment, while garnering the true appreciation of the townfolk. She found this outlet in a simple game of sport, Softball. 

Marley's softball skills soon lead her to the illustrious University of Michigan and subsequently into the hearts of the american people.  Chief Wasso's great warrior had found her place, boasting 21 RBI's in just 22 at bats and crushing three pinch hit grand slams in her first season.

She returned to Owosso a hero, but alas her work is not done.  She must go once more into the fray, and her plunge seems to have begun quite nicely......crushing a 6th inning grand slam to mercy St. Louis already this year. That would bring the current total to 24 at bats and 25 RBI's.......FREAKISH. 

It is the opinion of this humble storyteller that you have not seen the end of such shenanigans, nor will you for quite some time. Wait and see.

 

Welcome!

Greetings, people of the internet! Welcome to the wonderful world of HFABT. Here you will find everything you would never need to know about University of Michigan softball. Those of you looking to immerse yourself in comprehensive game analysis or multitudes of complex statistics please go elsewhere. As for the rest of you, ENJOY!